by Rene Street | Aug 22, 2024 | Uncategorized
Being present in today’s world is more difficult than it has ever been before. Everyone is constantly bombarded by emails, text messages, social media, news, advertisements, and all the other distractions of the modern world.
A lack of presence, especially in leadership, can often lead to poor communication, a lack of rapport with those around you, and volatility, uncertainty, confusion, and ambiguity in the workplace. One of the easiest ways to solve this problem is to understand and change the way you listen to those around you.
Most people don’t focus on or participate in listening in a way that actually makes a difference. Learning to truly listen and engage with whomever you are talking to enables connection, builds trust, and elevates flow across the board. When you strengthen your ability to listen, you become a better communicator. When you level up your ability to hear, you show up as somebody who is more open to feedback and who appreciates the contribution of what others are thinking and feeling. Upleveling your listening begins first and foremost with understanding what, how, and when you aren’t really listening.
Listening from Obligation
When this happens, there is little to no effort from the listener, either due to various distractions or a lack of caring about what the speaker has to say. Common behaviors when you’re listening at this level are multitasking, such as playing on your phone or scrolling through emails when someone is talking to you, tuning out/daydreaming, and anticipating what you think they are going to say and interjecting words for them. This kind of listening makes it impossible to develop rapport.
This level of listening also includes pretend listening, where you are not paying attention to the speaker, however you still act as though you are listening. The listener’s brain is paying attention to other things, but they are maintaining involvement in the conversation. Think of sitting next to someone very talkative on the plane or talking on the phone with a chatty family member. You aren’t absorbing or understanding the information the speaker is sharing.
Listening from the Inside
This is selective listening or downloading. In this level, you are only listening for what someone else is saying to confirm facts you already believe to be true. You are listening inside of your existing context. You parcel out information that you perceive to be uninteresting, lacking in value, or that doesn’t conform to your biases and preconceived notions. This level of listening is problematic because you only hear what you want to hear. When you listen this way, it’s all too often to brush feedback aside and/or filter it out altogether.
You know you’ve been listening like this when you come out of a conversation and everything you expected to happen happened. This type of listening is all about you. Your purpose in listening is to validate yourself and invalidate another if they disagree with you. There is no freedom and nothing new will be created in this kind of listening.
Listening for New Information
This level of listening is about seeking new information, new data, and new perspectives. It’s listening to learn. However, you are still listening for what’s in it for you. You’re not curious, but listening to gain knowledge or get something out of the listening. You are taking what you already think and building upon it.
At this level you are open to hearing something you haven’t heard before. You have some new data points and information that challenges your assumptions. Perhaps it exposes some new content or new reality to you. Here, you can actually walk away from the conversation with a memory of what was said and how it changed your perception. You leave the conversation thinking new things or in new ways.
Listening with Curiosity and Compassion
In this level of listening you are really connecting to the other person. You’ve got an empathic, emotional connection. This is when you’re listening soul to soul, heart to heart, and seeing the experience through another person’s eyes. You’re not only challenging your own assumptions, but actually considering that the other person’s reality is valid. You get to experience that person’s experience. Most one-on-ones should be done with this empathic, emotional connection. You’re letting go of your agenda and having an open mind and heart, building trust, and deepening your relationship with this person. You’re curious.
This is when you are fully engaged and focused on the speaker’s words and what those words mean to you and to the speaker. Nothing distracts you from the person with whom you are speaking. They have your full and undivided attention and it is clear to them that this is so.
Listening for What’s Possible
This level of listening is generative. You have moved beyond any friction and are completely immersed in flow. Everybody is participating. You both are in service of something bigger than the agenda and listening with an open will. In this level, you aren’t just listening to the person, but acknowledging the future that wants to be created. This is where innovation happens. This is where the collective genius is not just tapped into, but realized. This is the highest and most meaningful level of listening and is where you want to spend as much time as possible.
Listening at the Highest Level Every Time
We all need diverse opinions and viewpoints. When you listen from the lower levels of listening, which is not really listening at all, you miss out on so much, from critical information and feedback, to a chance to develop rapport with your team, a loved one, or even a total stranger.
The most effective leaders all excel at listening from the highest level. They make people feel valued, respected, and understood. They are also always honing their skills and becoming better listeners. They continually work on opening their mind, heart, and will. It’s a continual process of evolution. They are present and focused on whatever or whomever is in front of them. Meaningfully listening to those around you enables you to elevate yourself as a leader, build trust and rapport, and empower the people you’re listening to. Evolving your leadership and achieving optimal results begins with listening.
About the Author:
Margaret Graziano, known as the Evolutionist, is the founder and CEO of KeenAlignment, as well as a Wall Street Journal Best-Selling Author for her book “Ignite Culture.” She has been recognized as one of Silicon Valley’s Top 100 Women Leaders. Magi’s groundbreaking work is driven by her power to uncover and catalyze human potential. Go to www.MargaretGraziano.com for more information.
by American Business Women's Association | Jun 27, 2022 | Blog
What’s your favorite underdog story? Why did you root for them? Whether it is a small company up against a big company or dynasty sports team against the Bad News Bears, you know the stories. You’ve probably seen countless times in every sports history, from the Pirates defeating the Yankees in 1960 to the 1980 USA Olympic Hockey team. Hollywood even makes movies about the loveable underdog. Legends are made because the odds are stacked against them. Have the odds ever been stacked against you? Perfect.
HERE ARE FIVE WAYS YOU CAN WIN AS THE UNDERDOG:
1) Tap Into the “Underdog Effect,” the Odds Against You Can Be an Asset.
Ever wonder why people root for the underdog? More importantly, how can you get people to not only root for you, but come along side and actually help you? When the odds are stacked against you, the crowd is rooting for you. It’s in your DNA. People are programmed to want to help, even people you may not know. People who have money, contacts and skills that could help you beat Goliath. When they see your undogged persistence they are inspired and will use their assets to help you on this seemingly unachievable win. Get their attention, that’s an asset!
Get your story out there and tell it in a compelling way. The bigger your challenge, the more compelling your story. The more compelling your story, the more people will come along side you and help. Even unexpected people of influence or people you don’t know may pitch in and help. Make sure your story includes all the ways the odds are stacked against you. If your Goliath is known as a bully, even better. Get your story on the news, industry magazines, social media, and the papers any, way you can.
2) Decide to Be All-In.
What is the Underdog Effect? Intelligence is something that people love, respect and want more of. You’ve probably heard of EQ, Emotional Intelligence. Now many people are talking about AI, Artificial Intelligence. Now you’re about to discover A.I.I. The Underdog Effect. A.I.I. stands for All-In Intelligence. When you are all-in you think and decide differently. It is because the odds are against you that people not only will people root for you, some will even come along side you and help.
To take advantage of the underdog effect, you must decide. But this isn’t just deciding you are going to win, this is getting every single person on your team to make an all-in decision. Once you “burn the boats” and you make an all-in decision, perspective changes dramatically. You think and act differently. You feel differently. Like a parent caring for the child, there is nothing they won’t do to protect them. What stops you from committing to a dream or challenge like that? Us. We do. Enough is enough.
If one team member is not all-in, it effects the whole team. If one team member is all-in, they can inspire others to follow their lead.
3) Stop Worrying About the “How,” Knowing Exactly How is Optional.
The exciting part is that you may not know how and it’s OK! Embrace it. When we are kids, we dream like rivers flow. We never worry about the “how.” Why does this concern us so much as adults? Because if we can’t see the entire path, we don’t want to start the journey. That is not how successful underdogs win! They don’t worry about tomorrow, they focus on what they can do today, right here, with what they do have.
Underdogs win when they move with purpose even when they don’t know what tomorrow brings. Improvisation is an essential underdog skill. Having the ability to adapt and overcome each obstacle is part of their secret. They welcome mistakes because they are fully aware they can learn, adjust and re-engage. This becomes a huge advantage because the Goliath has a success strategy that they stick too. They are less likely to have to adapt because they usually win. So, their ‘adapting’ muscle is not as strong. If you are the underdog, build yours! It can be a huge advantage.
4) Have an Unexpected Strategy.
This can be a game changer. Here are a couple famous examples. In the movie Rocky II, Mickey, Rocky’s trainer, had him tie his left hand behind his back and trained him to box right-handed. Mickey did for Rocky to protect his blind spot. Also, Apollo Creed the Champion, trained expecting to box a south paw. Surprise. Midway through the fight, Rocky says, “no tricks” and reverted back to boxing lefty again. Yeah, it’s just a movie, but what if you could use that idea?
In the story of David and Goliath, Goliath was a massive, unbeatable warrior. David was a young sheep herder. He was not a seasoned warrior, never mind an equal match for Goliath.
David did not try to flight Goliath sword for sword. Instead, he used a different weapon, a slingshot. Think about this though, it was his weapon. It was one he used for years protecting his herd. The one that came natural to him. The one that gave him confidence. Using a slingshot allowed him to attack without being in the range of being struck by Goliath’s sword. What ‘unexpected strategy’ can you implement.
5) Beat Them at Their Own Game. What if you meet your opponent where they live. What if you out-trained them? In the inspiring true-life story of the 1980s USA Hockey Team was portrayed in the movie Miracle. The coach, Herb Brooks, didn’t pick professional all-star hockey players from the NHL, nope. He didn’t even chose the most outstanding college hockey players, he chose the best ones that would work together as a team. He trained his team to play a different style of play based on flow. To play like style of the Russian Hockey team that were considered to be unbeatable. In the film Coach Brooks decided trained them on this new style, but harder than they had ever worked almost. He chose the players that would train that hard. What if you out trained your competition?
Make no mistake the mindset with any of these strategies is critical when you are the underdog. There was a line delivered by coach Brooks in the film that sums up the mindset. Just before the game where they faced the Russian hockey team, Goliath, Coach Brooks said, “One game. If we played them ten times, they might win nine, but not this game. Not tonight.”
Don’t be a hobbyist; be a lobbyist for your dream. Yeah, some people don’t like lobbyists, but when you are all-in you won’t care what other people think. You don’t have time. Focus. How about you and your team living your own underdog story? Which of the five ways will you use?
About the Author:
Darren LaCroix, founder of Stage Time University.com, is the only speaker in the world with a CSP (Certified Speaking Professional), an AS (Accredited Speaker), and a World Champion of Public Speaking. He is the author of the book 17 Minutes to Your Dream and the co-host of Unforgettable Presentations podcast. Through his live workshops and StageTimeWorkshops.com, he helps good presenters become UNFORGETTABLE. For more information, please visit: www.17minutestoyourdream.com.
